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Depression and Anxiety

I hate to admit this once again, but this depression and anxiety are not getting better. I thought at one time maybe they were but no, they are not. I do not want to be on medication for this. But I am, why? Because that is what the doctor ordered. I had this when I was drinking but I haven't drunk for 13 years.

The depression is coming from not knowing if I will ever get better. I have few answers about this Sjogrens and everything they try is a waiting period. So far, I have been waiting for a year. Nothing seems to be better, just worse. Depression also stems from the miserable quality of life I have now. I feel miserable every day. It may not be visible, or I may act fine but inside I am screaming or crying being the more accurate word. I really don't know how long I can handle this. If this is my quality of life it is no good and not pleasant to me. It may be good to others that I am around but for me it is wretched.

Anxiety comes with the thought of again living like this or not. Is there no resolution to this? Not even the piddly band-aids I have help for more than ten minutes. This is no way to live and my heart wakes up pounding rapidly every morning. Yes, it may mean I am alive but that doesn't mean it is tolerable for me and eventually anyone around me.


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