LEARN TO ACCEPT

I am learning to accept the realities of my life. My new reality may be that I feel like this the rest of my life. That is not to say I am giving up trying to help myself by going to doctors and figuring out what the hell is wrong with me but it has been a year! Nothing has changed, I can truly say that. I think it may be even worse. I am on a drug, and now two different drugs that they are optimistic about to help with the saliva but I am almost two months into it now and I see no change. They said it will take up to three months to determine if it will help or not. I had high hopes believe me. When I went to Iowa City to have them check my saliva gland I was almost positive there was an obstruction of some sort that would help relieve me but NO, the doctor actually said something to the effect of how my gland looked completely normal and how he wanted his interns to look at the results on the computer. REALLY? He even offered the opinion that maybe I did not have Sjogrens Syndrome after all. Well, wouldn't that be a kick in the pants! I was shocked and excited all in one. They did another blood test thinking the test that tested positive for Sjogrens was a mistake. I had high hopes on that drive home from Iowa City. HIGH HIGH HOPES. But during our 3/12 hour drive I get a message from Iowa City that my blood test came in and sure enough I tested positive for Sjogrens. Well shit! Back to the drawing board. My saliva gland is just perfect so what is the problem? All I know is how to deal with it and that is by mouth spray that relieves me for two minutes and drinking water. Whoopy doo dah. My eyes are another thing, I am on four different eye drops and as I type this they keep coming out with eye drops being recalled because of bacteria being instilled in them. Luckily it is not in the four I am taking... yet.